An Ulterior Motive
by damoisella
Summary: When it looks like her life isn’t going to plan like she thinks, Susie looks to see if someone is there behind her. But what will she do if there isn’t?


Disclaimer: Did the thought ever occur to you that if I really did own them, I would be writing stories like this? Nope, didn't think so!

Author's Notes: Something new from me – sit back, unhook the phone, grab some Tim Tams and you'll be ready to go. That is, y'know, if you want to... hmmm, follow as you wish. No, really.

To everyone out there who is enjoying the summer for what it is, and secretly busting for the Heelers to return to our screens. ;)

Summary: When it looks like her life isn't going to plan like she thinks, Susie looks to see if someone is there behind her. But what will she do if there isn't?

---

**An Ulterior Motive**

The Mount Thomas sky, for a recent part, had been a clear, astonishingly bright blue. Not a single cloud had even brushed the sky, and the residents of the small Victorian town had welcomed the glorious weather. After what seemed like weeks of continuous rain, they could finally show their faces to the sun.

For the Mount Thomas Police, the weather had brought out some sort of criminal streak throughout the community. Perhaps it came with being cooped up for so long, no one was sure. Whatever it was, the officers found hardly a spare moment to have a coffee, let alone a proper break. So when it was time to wind up for the day, there was, it seemed, an unspoken, unanimous agreement to trudge down to the Imperial for a cold one.

"I'm off," PJ announced after yet another exhausting day of work, as he tugged at the front of his leather jacket, already half way out the door. Amy quickly followed suit, as did Kelly and Joss. Mark was staying behind for another hour, and waved them off. Susie emerged from the mess room, having changed into street clothes, to see Evan packing up his desk for the night, but still in his standard blue uniform.

She paused on her way to the door, and turned around. "You coming, Jonesy?" she asked, knowing that he, of all people, would want to go down to the pub tonight.

He looked up briefly, then turned his attention back on his desk. "Er, not tonight."

"Oh." She was surprised. He was usually the one who asked her, not the other way around. Still, if he didn't want to, that wasn't her problem, was it? "Sure," she shrugged. "How come?"

"I've just got something on," he replied offhandedly, offering no more.

"Okay." She hesitated for a split second, then gave a smile. "Well, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, seeya."

She left the station by herself, heading for the Imperial, walking alone for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

---

The conversations at the pub swirled around her like some sort of fog, but Susie was content to just listen. Yet, once she had drained her glass, she felt that she should go. She was no use here.

"I'm calling it a night," she muttered to Amy, who was sitting next to her.

"Righto," the detective answered, unperturbed. "Sweet dreams."

"Thanks." With a quick wave and an accompanying smile to the rest of her colleagues, she got up from her chair and made her way towards the staircase to her room.

As she came through the doorway, she crashed into the man coming out from the parlour, also heading for the stairs. Or would have, if he hadn't swerved out of the way just in time. She was flustered in a quick apology, yet then more surprised than anything as realisation dawned upon her.

"I thought you were busy."

"Well, I was until I started to walk into mysterious blonde women in the pub," Evan replied dryly.

"So watch where you're going then," she threw back.

"I should say the same."

"Alright, goes for both of us."

He gestured she climb up the stairs first, and she acceptingly stepped in front of him. "So, what were you doing in the parlour?"

"Just some business," he replied casually, following her up behind.

"Oh? Business?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"That's it. Why do you want to know, anyway?" he added defensively.

She turned back and gave him a funny look. "I was just asking," she said in a tone that meant no harm.

He relaxed. "Right. Sorry."

"S'okay." She continued to climb up until she reached the landing. Without waiting for him, she strode off down the hallway towards her room, and only when she reached it, did she glance back. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'd hope so," he replied, stopping at his own door and taking out his keys.

"Seeya."

"Yeah, bye."

They escaped to their respective rooms, and both slammed their doors simultaneously.

And they both noticed.

---

"So, Jonesy, where were you last night that was more important than the pub?" Joss asked loudly the next morning, in the midst of filing his traffic reports.

"I had something on," Evan replied, seemingly nonchalant, and not really paying much attention to the loud-mouthed probationary constable.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Give me three good reasons why I should tell you, and I will," Evan simply said.

There was a pause, before Joss thumped his fist onto the desk in triumph. "You had a hot date!" he declared.

Susie almost choked on her coffee, but no one seemed to notice.

"Where'd you get that idea, Joss?" Evan questioned calmly.

"No one's ever that secretive about the night before unless they went out with someone that they don't want anyone knowing about!"

"Speaking from personal experience, eh?" Kelly snorted, and received a glare from her partner. He turned his attention back on Evan, unperturbed.

"Just admit it, Jonesy! Who was she?"

Susie eyed the constable shrewdly, and Evan noticed. He openly shrugged over at her. "Dunno what you're talking about."

"Oh, don't tell me," Joss laughed, unable to resist, "She's a crook!"

"Oh, you're a laugh and a half," Evan said absently, deciding that the remarks just weren't worth it. He could feel Susie silently scrutinising him from her desk. If looks could kill, he would probably be near brain-dead by now. If not already dead to begin with.

"Give it up, Joss – do you really think he'd tell if you asked?" Kelly chided severely. Joss merely shrugged, but smirked nevertheless.

Meanwhile, Susie frowned at the paperwork lying on her desk, thinking hard. She thought she could read Evan fairly accurately, but when it came to his expression just then, she wasn't sure what to make of it. Was he telling the truth, or had Joss hit the nail on the head?

There wasn't any point in dwelling on it, she decided. Smiling reassuringly to herself, she went back to her paperwork, blocking out all other thoughts left best for another time.

---

"Something wrong, Suse?" A familiar, kind voice spoke up from behind her later that night, as that person sat down in the chair beside her.

Susie quickly looked up from her drink and gave a smile that felt incredibly artificial. "I'm fine, thanks, PJ," she replied smoothly. She just wasn't in the mood for conversation tonight; that wasn't a crime now, was it? In all honesty, she didn't even want to be here, but some sort of obligatory urge made her stay.

The detective nodded acceptingly, but continued to survey her through well-trained and experienced eyes. He didn't say a word, and Susie wasn't sure whether she was meant to or not. Undecided, she kept quiet.

"What?" she finally demanded when his unbashful scrutinising had not relented in the slightest way. She was uncomfortable under PJ's gaze; despite only knowing him for – oh, eighteen months or so, it felt as though he was able to read anyone's thoughts. It was probably what made him such a good detective.

"It was what was said today, wasn't it?" he said, gently blunt.

Susie found it hard to lie to such a questioningly earnest face like his. Nevertheless, she opted for looking confused, hoping that PJ would sense she didn't want to talk and change the subject – or, better yet, go and talk to someone else. "What was said today?"

"Between Jonesy and Joss," he clarified, ignoring her silent plea of avoidance. "Hmm?"

"Nah, it doesn't bother me in the slightest." She shrugged, seemingly nonchalant.

PJ knew his point had reached home, and decided that was enough. As long as she acknowledged it herself, even if it wasn't to anyone else, it was a start.

"You know Jonesy," he said as he climbed up from his chair, "He knows what's good for him." PJ clapped her shoulder gently.

She looked up at him and smiled gratefully for not saying anything further. And PJ saw that she knew what he was talking about, that she was tired of keeping it to herself for so long – and feeling that his job had been done for the night, he left her sitting alone at the pub table.

---

'He knows what's good for him...' PJ's words circled her head when she was back in her room, like water swishing around in a constant current. She picked up a top from the pile of freshly washed clothes and began to fold it.

Susie knew PJ was only trying to help, and in a way, felt grateful that he had subtly told her that there was someone she could talk to, if the occasion should ever arise. He knew everything that happened around the station, it seemed – in fact, Amy did too. It must be that detective thing, Susie thought grudgingly as she tucked the folded clothes into her drawers.

Perhaps he could tell her what was actually bothering her. She knew the root cause: Evan hadn't been there. She knew that fairly easily, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. But why... that was another matter altogether.

She knew it shouldn't bother her. So he didn't come to the pub for two nights – what was the matter with that? And if he was seeing someone else, then so be it. It was none of her business. It was just strange, that's all: all of them were a group, and for one to suddenly take off was almost unheard of. No warning, no explanation. It was like suddenly taking away a piece of furniture, when it hadn't been moved for years.

She was just taking him for granted, Susie thought. She couldn't expect him to be there every night, just because she was. They saw each other at work everyday, anyway. Wasn't that enough?

Yet they had gotten to a stage where he was almost like her second half. He was someone who could make her smile, even if she felt as though it was the last thing on earth she could do, or someone who could just quietly listen to her if need be. Someone to tease, knowing it would be forgotten in less than ten minutes. Someone who she could rely on to be there, like taking a friend to a party with the knowledge that you had someone to talk to.

Still, she just wanted him to be happy. To be safe, to be content with life. No one could ask for more. And if this was what she had to put up with from now on for him to feel that, then she would.

She knew he would do the same for her.

---

The sound of buoyant whistling made itself heard, as the last member of the Mount Thomas Police arrived at the station the next morning.

"Morning, all!" Evan greeted cheerfully, swinging his bag over his shoulder, before resuming his whistling once more.

"Did someone slip a happy pill into your coffee this morning?" Joss noted snarkily.

"Make that three," Kelly chipped in.

"I'm great, Joss, thanks for asking," Evan retorted, his mood unperturbed, as he headed for the mess room.

"Well," Joss began after he had gone, "No one comes into work looking like that unless the night before they've been -"

"Peroni!" Numerous voices snapped, irritated by his speculation, and in all honesty, more than slightly curious as to why one of their constables was so jovial. All of them had latched on to what Joss had been insinuating, both now and yesterday, but no one actually dared to say it aloud.

"What?" he added defensively, looking around at them all. Kelly gave him a disgusted glance, Mark a stern look. Susie looked nothing less than thunderous, and Joss wisely decided to drop the subject.

Also deciding this was a good idea, Mark stood up from his desk, various files and folders in his hands. "Right, we need two out on patrol," he said authoritatively, looking around the room.

"What, right now, Sarge?" Kelly asked quizzically.

"That's right, O'Rourke. You can be the first."

"I'll go," Susie volunteered, rather looking forward to escaping the station. She usually got along quite well with the female probationary constable, even if she thought she was occasionally naïve.

"Good, Susie," Mark nodded approvingly. "Off you go."

As they left, Evan watched from the mess room.

He knew he was doing nothing wrong – whatever he did in his own time was no one else's business – yet his heart couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that was slowly creeping up on him. He knew what he was causing her to feel.

He just hoped Susie could forgive him, one day.

---

"So," Kelly spoke up as Susie drove along the deserted road, "How are you?"

Susie shot her a strange and somewhat suspicious look, before turning her attention back on the road. "I'm good, thanks for asking."

"Good." Kelly pressed her lips together in a mixture of frustration and bewilderment. "I didn't see you for long at the pub last night," she remarked eventually.

"Yeah, I was getting pretty tired," Susie explained offhandedly.

"Oh." Another pause. "You alright now?"

"Fine."

"Okay."

Kelly watched the trees and fence posts zoom by, as Susie continued to drive.

"Look, I don't mean to -" Kelly began as Susie spoke simultaneously.

"Kelly, I'm not in -"

They broke off, waiting for the other to finish.

"Go ahead," Susie prompted.

"No, you go."

"Kelly, I told you first."

Kelly reluctantly nodded. "I was just saying, I don't mean to pry or anything, I was just asking you."

"I know." Susie heaved a deep sigh. "I just don't feel like talking much, okay?"

"Sure," Kelly answered quietly, looking out her side window, determinedly avoiding eye contact with her colleague.

One tree. Two trees. Then another. And another.

Susie felt an instant pang of guilt, upon brushing Kelly off like she had. Kelly hadn't done anything, it was her. She didn't deserve to get the rap for it. Yet Susie didn't apologise, nor did Kelly day say anything more.

This was going to be a long patrol.

---

Later that night, two hands leaned on Susie's desk. "Hey, Suse, coming for a drink?" PJ bent down over her desk, so he was level with her.

Susie gave a wry smile. "I don't think so, not tonight."

He smiled back, having already known the predictable answer. "We're all going," he probed gently. "Even Jonesy."

Susie shot him a look that clearly said, 'what's-he-got-to-do-with-anything', but the detective wasn't fooled.

Finally, not being able to stand his expectant stare, she sighed. "Fine."

"Fine, what?"

"Fine, I'll come. But," she added quickly, "I might not stay that long."

"Not long is better than nothing," he replied diplomatically, stepping back to allow her to stand up. As she headed for the mess room, he watched her go. He didn't care if she didn't want to go. If she and Evan got talking again, then it would benefit all of them. PJ was never one to interfere in one's personal life, least of all meddle in office relationships – he had been there too many times already – but he liked a station to run like a well-oiled machine. And because he wasn't the boss, he couldn't make it happen, either.

But he could give it a good kick-start, and that was good enough for now.

---

Susie tilted her beer glass on its edge, watching the last of the white foam pop against the side. One by one, each bubble disappeared. When they were gone, she'd leave, she decided.

Three left to go, and a new glass of a beer slid under her nose and into her line of sight.

She looked up quickly, almost startled. Evan looked back at her expectantly.

"No, thanks – I'm about to go," she dismissed, pushing the full glass away towards him. Immediately, he pushed it back.

"No, you're not."

"Don't try telling me what I'm going to do," she admonished, somewhat surprised by his direct and definite answer, and instantly growing defensive because of it.

"Then don't knock back a free drink." He stared at her, silently daring her to stand up and leave. And she was tempted to – oh, she was. But something in her legs refused to make them move, no matter how much she wanted to.

She waited, refusing to say anything more.

"You're not going to talk to me, are you?" Evan said flatly, party irritated, and partly amused.

"You've obviously decided I'm not," she replied scathingly, a hard edge to her voice that he had not heard before. Susie didn't know why she was suddenly feeling so bitter. Not angry, but bitter. And just like earlier today with Kelly, she felt guilty, but didn't try to take it back. "So, since I'm apparently not going to talk, there's no point in me being here. Seeya later." She got up, intending to stalk off her to her room with dignity. He was too quick, however, and stood up in front of her, blocking her way to the doorway.

She sighed, seeing that he was not going to back down, even if she punched him in the stomach. She reluctantly sat back down, folding her arms like a stubborn child who was waiting to be told off.

"Look, Suse – I'm not here to start an argument, okay?" he said firmly, looking directly at her. She refused to meet his eyes. He sighed. Women. "You could have the decency to look at me while I'm apologising to you."

"Apologising for what?" She was making him admit his faults, one by one, until she had decided he had committed enough crimes. He knew it, she knew it.

"Okay... for putting you through what I have over the last few days. I wasn't there -"

"You weren't there for me, is that what you were going to say?" Susie cut in, her eyes starting to blaze as though wood had just been added to a fire.

This wasn't going in the direction he wanted; in fact, it was going backwards. "Well, yes," he began. "But -"

"Jonesy, why the hell would I need you there? For what?" Susie demanded, her voice rising, but she didn't seem to care. "Jonesy, I don't need you."

The words stung, and she desperately wanted to take them back in as quickly as they had come out. She hated herself for being the one who was causing the spark of raw hurt that had just flashed in his eyes.

No good apologising for it now. She knew that he would brush any feeble attempt of one off. "I'll see you later." She stood and rushed past him, without glancing at another face. She didn't want to see his reaction, she didn't want to see anyone else's.

Damn it.

---

Her fingers scrolled down the list, hesitating right before his name, as she sat on her bed the next morning. Susie took a breath, and pressed the button, before holding the mobile phone up to her ear. As she waited, she subconsciously drummed her fingers on the bedside table.

A recorded message. He hadn't turned his phone on.

Beep. Two parts of her brain were fighting: hang up and leave it, or just say something and go. Hang up, or speak. Hang up? No, she shouldn't. Then what the hell was she meant to say?

"Hey Jonesy, it's Susie here..." she began after a moment, "I just wanted to – to say sorry for what I said last night, and I didn't mean it... Ah, screw this, I'll see you at work." She ended the call, and furiously tossed her phone onto her pillow.

Pathetic. Why did she always have to dig herself in deeper?

Ah well, at least she only had to hang around for another nine hours. After that, she was off duty for a good day and a half. Her eyes flickered towards the calendar pinned up on her wall. Today's day was circled in red, but she didn't feel jubilant whatsoever. Usually, on her birthday she felt she could act like a child, and just grin all day without any proper explanation why. Yet today, she felt she couldn't grin if her life depended on it.

She didn't think anyone would realise the day, nor remember. She prayed they wouldn't. No one really knew, except for Evan – and if he managed to remember it with his memory like Swiss cheese, then that would be a miracle in itself. Especially if it seemed as though he was so preoccupied outside of work these days.

And then tomorrow she could just disappear for a day, without worrying about whatever someone else thought. She figured it was as good a time as any to down drive to Melbourne, visit the family, perhaps catch up with a friend or two. Anything to get a sense of normality in her life.

Anything to get away from all of this, which was leaving her in more of a state than she would ever admit to.

---

She walked into the station later that morning, with a certain look of apprehension. No one seemed to notice it; and if they did, they were oblivious as to why. Susie sighed with relief. No one knew. A birthday was just another day, anyway – just a day to signal you're another year older. No big deal... right?

Hell, she was a year older, and her life seemed to have more – unpredictable – twists in it than a packet of spiralled macaroni. What did that make her?

"Morning, Susie," Mark said as way of greeting. After she murmured a polite reply, he continued, "I need that updated file on Pierson, before lunchtime preferably."

"Sure," she replied without a hint of emotion in her voice, sitting down at her desk.

She discreetly glanced around the office; no one was paying her the slightest bit more of attention than usual. Not because of her recent behaviour, nor due to her current facial expression, nor because they knew it was her birthday.

It made her relieved, and just a little bit indignant. Did no one care anymore?

Get a grip, Raynor, she told herself. She'd never get through the day otherwise. And right then, that was her only aim.

---

"Everyone's coming to the pub tonight, it's all on Joss!" Kelly announced happily as the day's shift was drawing to a close.

"What?" he yelped, obviously not expecting such a declaration. "Why?"

"Since you can afford a flashy car, you must be able to afford to buy your cherished workmates a few beers," Kelly explained innocently.

"Hey!" he protested. "Kel, that's not fair. For your information, my car was -"

"- a present from your doting grandmother," she cut in impatiently. "So you keep saying. And I still don't buy it."

"What can I say, she loves me!" Joss said with a smirk, standing up and continuing to argue with Kelly as they both signed out for the night.

"Coming, Suse?" Amy offered as she slipped her jacket on over her shoulders, the probationary constables' voices dropping out of hearing range. Evan was already gone for the night, and she wasn't surprised. By now everyone, bar Tom, had heard the remarks made, particularly by Joss.

"I'm skipping it, I think," Susie answered, also packing up her desk. "I'm going down to Melbourne tomorrow, I want a good night's sleep so I can start early in the morning."

"Hmm?" Amy glanced at the roster and then understood. "Oh, a day off. Lucky thing."

"Yeah, thanks." Susie smiled briefly.

"Right, well, I'll be having a drink or three if you change your mind." Amy gave an impish grin and left the station.

Susie sighed and looked back down at her report. Just to finish it off, and then she'd be done. How long that would take, all depended on whether she could muster any of the concentration that had seemingly disappeared in the last half hour.

Tapping the end of her pen on the rim of an empty coffee mug, she figured she couldn't. Scrawling a quick finishing sentence, before signing it off and dropping it on Mark's desk, she turned off her lamp and headed for the mess room to get changed.

---

It was particularly noisy, Susie noted as she reached the Imperial, fifteen minutes later. What was it, Thursday? Thursday was never a really busy night – was something going on? Nevertheless, she was prepared to only slip through and up the staircase towards her room. Tonight would be a game of avoidance.

Curiously, she stepped through the doorway, to see streamers hung up around the room. There were groups of people milling about; certainly more than usual. Frowning with inquisitiveness, she glanced around the room, just as Evan turned and caught sight of her. He grinned. "Happy Birthday, Suse!" His loud greeting caught the attention of the rest of the people, who, after sighting her, echoed similar words to her, raising their glasses.

Susie froze in her spot, feeling somewhat like a kangaroo in the headlights. All attention was on her, least of all when she expected – and wanted – it.

Her shocked expression converted into an accusing one, as she stared at the only person who could be the culprit: Evan, who was still standing there with a boyish grin on his face.

"What's all this?" she demanded, stalking up to him fiercely.

He looked slightly sheepish. "Well, I know you don't make a big deal about birthdays, but I thought this would be nice."

She didn't offer anything more than her continuing glare.

"Lighten up, Suse!" Amy strode over from a corner, looking from one constable to the other with a knowing expression. Susie suddenly realised everyone had known about this all along. The female detective would never look innocent again. "Jonesy has spent days organising this for you, you could at least look a little bit grateful!"

"Days?" Susie repeated, slightly numb. It suddenly clicked. "That's what you've been doing lately? Organising this?"

"Yep!" Evan replied, satisfied that she wasn't going to kill him. Not within a five-metre radius of Amy, anyway. Dampening down, he cautiously added, "Is that, er – okay?"

Susie just looked at him with an expression of disbelief. For a moment, he thought she was going to walk out.

Then she threw her arms around his neck.

Why, she wasn't sure. Yet an overwhelming feeling of relief flooded through her, and she didn't really know why. And she also felt incredibly touched, because despite him basically lying to her, he had done it so she could have this moment.

She laughed quietly into his shoulder, seeming like the world had finally slotted back into place once more. Pulling back, she regained a stern look. "You bastard," she declared.

"Wasn't the exact answer I was expecting," he said mildly, and she grinned.

"You had this planned all along!"

"Maybe." An innocent shrug followed.

"You said you were seeing someone else!"

"Hey," he interrupted, "I never said that. You formed your own opinion. What," he added mischievously, "did that actually matter to you, or something?"

A humoured glare was shot in his direction, and he knew her unspoken answer.

"Why didn't you say something about your birthday today?" Kelly demanded, approaching them.

"I guess I thought it didn't matter at the time," Susie replied glibly.

"And does it?" Amy asked.

She smiled. "Yeah, I suppose it does." She suddenly felt an extremely familiar presence behind her, and turned around. "Mum!" she exclaimed, seeing her and the rest of her close family there. After hugging them all, she gave Evan an inquiring look. "You brought my family here?"

"You have a day off tomorrow, I figured you'd be going to see them in Melbourne," he replied matter-of-factly. "So, I thought it would be nice to bring them here instead."

Susie's curious expression melted into one of heartfelt emotion, as she found herself almost speechless. "Thank you," she said quietly, barely audible as her voice caught somewhere in her throat. She reached out and squeezed him tightly again, hoping that this spoke more than any words could. He hugged her back, and she knew he understood.

"So," Evan said, pulling back to look at her, "Has Miss Raynor forgiven me for my sins?"

Susie laughed. "I don't think Evan Jones can commit a sin if his life depended on it," she replied.

He was momentarily satisfied with her answer, then frowned. "Hey...!" She only laughed harder.

"Stop yakking, guys, it's a party!" Joss almost-whined as he joined the group.

Before anyone could reply, the lights went out. "What -?" Susie began, when little wavering flickers of yellowy-orange appeared from the doorway. Chris appeared, carrying a cake embellished with candles. "Oh, Christ..." Susie muttered, not believing this.

She turned to Evan, who was standing behind her. His face was dimly illuminated in the candlelight, making him look oddly mysterious, and all the more desirable. "Why, Jonesy?"

He smiled wryly. "Why not?"

She gave a small sigh, and an embarrassed, self-conscious smile, as Chris put the cake down on the table in front of her.

"Make a wish, Suse," the publican said with a glimpse of a grin, before disappearing into the throng of people, who were all watching her.

Susie didn't move for a moment. "Go on," Evan urged, giving her a gentle push in her back as she stood motionless. With his words fresh in her mind, she looked at the burning candles, and closed her eyes.

As she blew, the candles flickered out until the room dissolved into pitch darkness once more.

Yet Susie knew that Evan was right behind her this time, and he always would be.

With that knowledge, nothing else seemed to matter.

finis


End file.
